Releasing The Bonds

The Strategic Interaction Approach (SIA)

(Chapter 3, excerpted, of Steven Hassan's Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves. FOM Press, 2000, Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Permission to use or reprint must be granted in writing.)

When done reading, click here for chapter 4

Ever since destructive cults first came to the attention of the public in the late 1960s, families have looked for ways to rescue their loved ones. Early rescue methods, represented by the deprogramming model, were unsophisticated and sometimes illegal. Over the past 30 years, counseling techniques and research in social psychology have evolved to give us more specialized and effective tools to help break the chains of cult mind control.

It has been over twelve years since I first published Combatting Cult Mind Control. Over time, I have assessed which approaches were effective and which were ineffective. As new patterns have emerged, my counseling has become more refined. This book brings together all of my knowledge into a unified, detailed, and user-friendly method the Strategic Interaction Approach (SIA).

One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that when a loved one enters a cult, the entire family system is impacted. Parents are often consumed with guilt, fear, anger, and frustration. Long term successful marriages can buckle under the strain. Siblings, too, find themselves deeply impacted. Siblings who had very good relationships may feel annoyed when pressured by their loved one to join the cult, and even angry and upset when they are labeled evil for refusing. If there were existing problems, such as jealousy, mistrust or control issues, or trouble with communication and intimacy, a real quagmire can result. At the very least, most siblings feel frustration and anger as they see the pain the cult member is causing their family. As the weeks, months, and years go by, family members often struggle to maintain any hope for a positive future.

The first step in the SIA is to promote change and encourage growth and learning in the family, as well as the cult member. Only then is it possible to create the conditions that will motivate the cult member to step away from the group and to begin questioning his cult involvement. A crucial belief of the approach is that the mind control individual will eventually break free. Because the only variables are time and ease of exit, you should do everything you can to make the process fast and easy.

JIM M. AND RAMA

One case that best illustrates the Strategic Interaction Approach involves a young man named Jim M. (not his real name) who had joined a quasi-Buddhist computer cult founded by the late Frederick Lenz, or "Rama." Jim's mother contacted me to ask for help, and I spent time talking with her so that I could get to know the family better. I learned that Jim's parents were divorced, and that both had since remarried. I soon realized that Jim's father would be an important asset in reaching out to him. Initially, Jim's mother was reluctant to contact her ex-husband. After meeting with me, her new husband, and Jim's brother Doug, she agreed to allow Doug to speak with his father. Doug asked his father to read Combatting Cult Mind Control, and set up a meeting with him and his new wife.

This case demonstrates the value of bringing together a broad array of resources. Coincidentally, the father's new wife was a practicing Buddhist and was finishing her doctorate at a university in Boston. With her personal knowledge of Buddhism, she was able to provide Jim with a frame of reference for comparing Lenz's philosophy with legitimate Buddhist teachings, such as the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path. When I found out that Jim's brother Doug was taking drum lessons from a former long-term member of the Rama cult, I asked Doug to approach the drum teacher, find out why he had left the group, and ask for his help.

Since Jim had always enjoyed the outdoors, we encouraged several of his closest childhood friends to go camping with him, sing songs, reminisce, and begin to raise questions about why Jim wanted to drop out of college, move to New York, and study computers -- a field that he wasn't interested in until he got involved with Lenz. Jim also agreed to join his father on a camping trip. The idea was to have everybody doing various tasks, having specific conversations, and interacting with Jim from different angles.

What followed were a series of interactions between Jim and all of the family members and friends. The culmination was a meeting between Jim and the drum teacher. The drum teacher told Jim about several disillusioning experiences he had with the Rama group, such as spending large amounts of money on Lenz's courses and learning that Lenz was having sex with many of his female followers, including one of the drummer's ex-girlfriends. Finally, on the morning of the proposed camping trip with his father, Jim was asked to meet with me and some former members. He readily agreed.

Because we had done so much preparation work and built rapport and trust during mini-interactions, it quickly became apparent that the core issue for Jim was his belief that he had "spiritual" experiences, such as seeing a golden light emanating from Lenz and filling the room. I explained that hallucinations like these are often the result of easily reproducible hypnotic processes that have very little to do with being spiritual. Jim said, "Prove it," so I was forced to demonstrate this hypnotic effect for him. I asked him to close his eyes and meditate, as he had been doing for months as a student of Lenz. Once I saw his facial muscles relax, I added, "You're going to meditate even deeper than you have ever done before, and I don't want you to open your eyes until you're ready to see an even brighter light emanating from me." We waited less than a minute, and when he opened his eyes, he looked at me and said, "Whoa! That's brighter than the light I saw coming from Lenz! That's it -- I'm out!" Everyone in the room breathed a sigh of relief, and Jim immediately added, "There are a number of people I want to share this information with, so I can get them out of the group too."

As Jim's family learned, the SIA creates many options by drawing on the resources, skills, and knowledge of everyone involved. The SIA is a hands-on approach that encourages friends and family to make progress one step at a time through what I call "mini-interactions" -- phone calls, letters, or face-to-face visits. This was not the case with deprogramming or exit-counseling, which relied too heavily on setting up a formal, three-day intervention. Although you will be using the Strategic Interaction Approach, I want you to understand these older rescue models so that you will know what types of behavior to avoid when interacting with your loved one.

WHAT IS DEPROGRAMMING?

In the early 1970s, Ted Patrick -- a man with plenty of street smarts but at the time, no formal training in counseling -- believed that members of his family were being brainwashed by Moses David Berg, the leader of a group called the Children of God, now known as "The Family." Patrick was determined to take action. He reasoned that since cults use indoctrination methods that "program" beliefs through hypnosis, repetition, and behavior modification techniques, he would reverse the process. He called the new procedure "deprogramming." We have since learned that the deprogramming model is too simplistic. An individual's mind and psyche cannot be programmed or deprogrammed like a computer. A human being is not a robot.

Deprogramming is essentially a content-oriented persuasion approach that sometimes involves abduction and typically involves forced detention. The actual deprogramming takes place when it is deemed possible to "pick up" the cult member, and when it is convenient for the deprogrammer. Typically, the cult member is driven to a secret location where he is guarded twenty four hours a day. He often has no privacy, even in the bathroom. Windows are sometimes nailed shut so the cult member cannot escape. The deprogramming continues for days, and sometimes weeks, until the cult member snaps out of the cult's mind control or until he successfully pretends to do so.

A deprogramming triggers the deepest fears of cult members. They have been taken against their will. Family and friends are not to be trusted. The trauma of being thrown into a van by unknown people, driven away, and imprisoned creates mistrust, anger, and resentment. Cult members are convinced that these people are the embodiment of evil.

Deprogramming has many drawbacks. I have met dozens of people who were successfully deprogrammed but, to this day, experience psychological trauma as a result of the method. These people were glad to be released from the grip of cult programming but were not happy about the method used to help them. Professional counselor Cathleen Mann underwent a horrifying experience in 1990, while doing graduate research in psychology, which she wrote about in a letter to me. A trusted professor had suggested that she do a participant-observer research project on the leader of the Church Universal and Triumphant (CUT), Elizabeth Clare Prophet. Cathleen studied the teachings of the group for a year, and not once was it suggested that the group was a cult, or even that it was controversial. She applied for membership in the group's Keepers of the Flame fraternity, in an attempt to better understand the teachings and methodology of the group. She met personally with Prophet at the group's headquarters in Montana, and she was strongly influenced by the charismatic woman. Little did Cathleen know that she would be subjected to mind control methods that could dismantle her critical faculties and indoctrinate her into higher levels of commitment to the group. She abandoned her research project shortly after the first meeting with Mrs. Prophet. She even agreed to consider moving onto the cult ranch. Concerned about her welfare and her changed personality, friends intervened and she was deprogrammed. She writes: "One bright, crisp day around noon, I was sitting in my CUT-owned and regulated residence, when the door burst open. A trusted friend aiding the deprogrammers grabbed my clothes, stuffing them into a bag, picked up all the books and video tapes (given to me by Mrs. Prophet) stacked five feet high, and placed them in a waiting car. I struggled and argued with him, but he was forceful and literally dragged me to the car, which then drove off CUT property and down Montana Highway 89. At the time, I did NOT want to leave this group. I had already made the decision to stay if I could manage it, sacrificing my original intention to just conduct interviews.

I remember fighting and screaming for him to stop and listen to me, but he didn't care what I said. Much of what happened next was a blur. We arrived at a friend's house first. I was taken to another location, and there were two more people there, one allegedly a psychologist. While riding in the car, I remember trying to sleep, but I was jolted awake with unfamiliar voices and sounds, unfamiliar surroundings -- I kept seeing Mrs. Prophet's face on everyone--and I believed that she must have been watching all of this. I remember thinking that she was there -- taking notes on what I felt and thought, as she had done diligently in the past. I was psychologically devastated, and tried to avoid talking. I was still enthralled (but confused) about the whole experience with the group, and I thought I should refuse to cooperate with this embarrassing and humiliating process. I did not realize what had happened to me. During my stay on the cult property, I was completely shocked by what I saw and experienced, even though I had attempted to prepare myself in advance.

These deprogrammers set off to work immediately. They pulled out a picture of Mrs. Prophet and told me she was a cult leader and that I needed to spit on the picture. I refused. They called her names. One time they called her a profane name, and then laughed amongst themselves. I was not laughing. They played videotaped interviews of ex-CUT members and forced me to agree with them. They told me I had been part of a "demonic, occult force" and that I needed to come to terms with the fact that I might have "permanent damage." The psychologist told me that I "probably had Multiple Personality Disorder induced by the cult."

This persisted for several hours. They insulted my intelligence, my integrity, and my ability to choose what was best for me. They took away my rights as a person, and utilized very intrusive techniques that disoriented me, just like I had just experienced with CUT.

It didn't take long for them to convince me that CUT was a cult. I already knew at some level that the CUT teachings were "silly" and probably not true. I had NOT been allowed to make an informed choice with proper information from the moment I entered Mrs. Prophet's presence. I would have figured the inconsistencies and abuse on my own if I had remained in CUT much longer -- or I would have soon come at odds with Mrs. Prophet and would have been a kick-out anyway. But, this was not what mattered to me. What these deprogrammers did was attempt to change my mind through INFORMATION CONTROL -- just like the cult did. They did not deal with the CUT-implanted phobias, which remained with me for years -- the fear of certain colors, the identification of certain types of music with CUT rituals, the fear of retaliation and probable death should I ever leave this group.

Steve, if your approach had been used instead, I could have retained my self-respect and come to the realization myself that I had been duped. For months, even years, I beat myself up -- "How could I have let this happen?" I could have retained my own sense of intelligence and the ability to use rational thought. What these deprogrammers did not realize, nor show any concern about, was that I had significant doubts during my time in CUT -- this was not acknowledged or even considered. I was the "victim" to them, and that's all they understood or acknowledged. Even though I was "out," I went back to the teachings on and off for another year after the deprogramming. Finally, I couldn't take the inconsistencies any more, and I made the final break, discarding most of my CUT material into the trash can.

How much I wish that I would have had only one trauma to overcome in counseling later; instead, I had two -- both traumatic, both disrespectful, both damaging. In both experiences, ME the person was ignored for the agendas of others.

In the 1970's, there was really no other option but deprogramming. In the 1980's, and especially the early 1990's, fewer deprogrammings occurred and exit-counseling became the preferred approach. Deprogramming is currently illegal in the United States if the person is over the age of eighteen. Predictably, in the event of a failure, criminal charges can be pressed against the family and the deprogrammers. Legal bills can become astronomical. The toll of a deprogramming failure can be particularly catastrophic to the loved one. Cult doctrine is reinforced. Relationships with family members are typically strained and family and friends can be devastated.

Cathleen's deprogramming experience caused her unnecessary harm. In addition, a deprogramming is often emotionally traumatic not just for the cult member but for everyone involved, including the family and even former members who help. Power and control are placed in the hands of an external authority figure rather than within the cult member. The timing of the deprogramming is not based on the best interests of the cult member but, typically, at the convenience of family members and the deprogrammer. Deprogramming does not typically involve counseling family members beforehand, so it doesn't address the damage done to them by the whole cult experience. Nor does it adequately prepare them for follow-up care for the ex-member.

WHAT IS EXIT-COUNSELING?

Most families of cult members don't want to break the law by forcibly kidnapping and detaining their adult son or daughter. They do not want to risk alienating their loved one. Unlike deprogramming, exit counseling is non-coercive and legal. When done well, it uses finesse and not force. It is respectful of the person's free will because participation is voluntary. This was the method of choice in the 1980s and the early 1990s.

Exit-counseling is a huge improvement over deprogramming, but it also has the limited focus of getting the cult member out of the group. Exit-counseling, like deprogramming, is essentially a content-driven, informational approach. Most exit-counselors are former members who have no counseling training whatsoever. It is out of their area of expertise to do anything more than provide information about cults and mind control. As with deprogramming, the exit-counselor is considered an external authority figure who will fix the cult problem.

As you may know, I have been involved with several hundred successful counseling interventions. I received my Master's degree in counseling psychology from Cambridge College in 1985 and continue to get counseling training and supervision to improve my knowledge and skills. In 1988, I devoted three chapters of my book, Combatting Cult Mind Control, to my method of exit-counseling. The process starts with a preparatory meeting between the exit-counselor and concerned family and friends. They begin to make efforts to build a better relationship with the cult member. When a visit from the cult member is expected, the exit-counseling team assembles and waits nearby. The goal is to get the cult member to agree to spend three days with family, friends, and the exit counseling team, without contacting their group or walking out.

When things go smoothly, the cult member has three days to converse with family, relatives, friends, the exit-counselor, former members, and other experts. They are shown videotapes relating to mind control and cult issues. The cult member is allowed to spend time alone and can choose when to take breaks. They have control over what is discussed and with whom. They are encouraged to ask questions. The cult member can change his mind at any time and get up and leave.

But even when successful, the results of exit-counseling are often less than optimal. Traditional exit-counseling relies too much on content and too little on process. The method doesn't take into account the individual and family problems that existed before the cult involvement which may persist. It is unequipped to deal with current psychological issues in either the cult member or anyone in the family. Consequently, there is little room to really customize the approach and get to underlying issues. Exit-counseling attempts would sometimes fail because of lack of education, preparation, timing, and proper resources.

Few people understand that cult indoctrination superimposes a new cult identity that suppresses and controls the individual's authentic identity. Relatives and friends think they are having a conversation with the person they have always known when, in fact, they are probably addressing the cult identity. In most traditional exit-counseling and deprogramming cases, the cult identity is submerged but left intact. The pre-cult identity assumes control, but the cult identity is not fully absorbed and integrated into the new post-cult self. Specialized knowledge and training are required to effectively promote healing.

THE STRATEGIC INTERACTION APPROACH

The Strategic Interaction Approach differs from the approach described in Combatting Cult Mind Control in several important ways, the most critical of which is the introduction of the three-part phobia intervention. In Chapter 10, you will learn how to use this step-by-step approach to help your loved one understand and overcome cult-implanted phobias. Until this is done, I have learned, interactions with a cult member are especially difficult and sometimes even counterproductive.

The SIA also differs from exit counseling in its emphasis on the process of change, rather than pure content or information. The exit-counseling model was premised on the fact that the exit-counselor would have information that was difficult to obtain. All that has changed because, today, cult critics and former members of various cults are publishing information about cults and mind control on the World Wide Web. With the advent of the Internet, anyone with a computer and a modem can network with other families, obtain assistance from experts and former members, and locate information in a way that was not possible before.

Because information about cults has become so accessible, we can spend more time developing a thorough understanding of the cult member, the group he belongs to, and the friends and family who care about him. Additionally, in the Strategic Interaction Approach we learn how to identify factors that make people more vulnerable to mind control, such as learning disorders, unresolved sexual issues, or preexisting phobias that cults can take advantage of. We create a model of the parts of our loved one's authentic self that were cultivated for recruitment into the cult identity. Understanding these subpersonalities helps us relate to the cult identity and also helps us identify, and encourage, aspects of the cult self that are worthy of keeping.

The focus of the SIA is on the growth of the entire family and support network as well as on the cult member. Family members and friends work together as a Strategic Interaction Team. They are asked to participate in each step of the process, improving their communication skills and enhancing self-awareness along the way. Team members are given the tools to take care of their own emotional needs and overcome problems such as low self-esteem, phobias, or addiction. When each family member takes responsibility for growth and change, it takes a lot of pressure off the cult member. His perspective often changes from "I'm the victim, and everyone is here to help me," to "We're a family, and everyone is growing and learning." In this way, families are able to model healthy behavior that will inspire the cult member to change.

We will begin modeling that change by learning to adopt positive beliefs, productive attitudes, and more effective modes of communication.

NECESSARY BELIEFS

• Mind control is never 100% because it cannot erase a person's authentic self.
• The mind
• controlled individual will leave the group. It's only a matter of how soon and how easily.
• Real love is stronger than conditional love.
• People want to be free and know the truth.
• Everything in life can be used as a learning experience.
• Cult behavior is predictable.
• Cults don't deliver what they promise.
• Change and growth are inevitable.

NECESSARY ATTITUDES

• Be curious, yet concerned.
• Be a good listener. Act as if you don't already know everything.
• Act within your sphere of control. Don't waste your emotions on things you can't change.
• Strive for gradual, cumulative progress. Don't just go for the "knockout" punch.
• You can always improve your communication skills.
• Do the best you can with the resources you have.

GOAL-ORIENTED COMMUNICATION

In the business world, the most effective salespeople expend a great deal of time and effort to develop rapport and trust with a client or customer. In the normal course of our personal lives, though, we rarely take the time to learn and practice ways to develop rapport and trust with our loved ones. This effort can bring much more than money love, acceptance, kindness and respect.

The SIA helps family and friends shift from an emotionally-based form of communication to a goal-oriented style. We will no longer be informal and casual about what we say and do. We will not take our relationships for granted. Our objective is to grow, change, and develop better communication strategies that build rapport and trust. When we get the desired result, we will move forward to the next goal.

Goal One: Build rapport and trust.
During the SIA, you build a relationship with your loved one that is supported by a foundation of trust and rapport.

Goal Two: Gather information.
Throughout the process, members of the Team gather information about the pre-cult and cult self, along with the authentic self (a term I will discuss shortly).

Goal Three: Give information and plant seeds of doubt.
Once Team members are adequately prepared, they can begin planting seeds of doubt in the cult member by imparting important information.

Goal Four: Use mini-interactions to promote reality-testing and freedom of mind.
As they continue to collect and deliver information, Team members engage the cult member in a series of mini-interactions that ensure the loved one has the motivation and ability to reality-test and reevaluate their cult involvement.

Goal-oriented communication encourages high levels of awareness as well as constant feedback and assessment from experience. Members of the Team learn how to:

• Set realistic goals
• Identify key issues and concerns
• Assess beliefs and values
• Clarify motivation and objectives
• Listen and speak effectively
• Observe and utilize nonverbal behavior
• Utilize rapport and trust building strategies

Learning to understand others
Team members will learn to interact with each other in a creative and resourceful fashion. If one person says something hurtful to another, I encourage the individual who was hurt to suggest a more constructive response to the other person. Each interaction among family, relatives, friends and the cult member is an opportunity to hone their skills and to assess what works and what doesn't work. For instance, you can gain a better understanding of friends and family by role-playing, or stepping into someone else's shoes. In the following exchange, I asked a cult member's mother to pretend that she was her daughter:

SH (to mother): If you heard your mother say, "You're going out dressed like that?" how would you feel?

Mother: I guess I would think my mother was criticizing the way I looked.

SH: That's what you would think. How would you feel? Would the comment make you feel good about yourself or your mother?

Mother: No, of course not!

Learning to express your emotions
Process-oriented goals will move us from a rigid position to a flexible, creative state. We will take steps to find positive, constructive ways to express your concerns more effectively:

1. Acknowledge the presence of a feeling inside you.
2. Recognize what emotion you are feeling. Is it helplessness or fear? Anger or hostility? Sadness or depression?
3. Respect your emotions as a legitimate expression of who you are and what you value as a human being. Dwelling on your negative emotions creates conflict, tension and fear. Anger and frustration can turn into self-hatred and self-pity. It can contribute to such physical problems as headaches, muscle tension, ulcers, colitis, and high blood pressure, and can grow into anxiety, emotional tension or depression. Ultimately, it can affect your interpersonal relationships.
4. Learn how to express emotions that are triggered by cult involvement in a way that brings you closer to your goals of improving communication and building rapport and trust. In some situations, you will want to speak directly to the person:

Parent to cult member
Sibling to parent
Friend to cult member
Client to therapist

Focus on your goals. Sometimes, it is more helpful to verbalize your feelings to someone other than the specific person. For example, there may be things that would make you feel better but would cause great pain or even harm if said directly to the person. A Strategic Interaction Therapist can help you to unburden yourself and make positive suggestions about what to do. Sometimes, it is a matter of finding the most effective way to say something. Sometimes, it is a matter of choosing the right time and place to communicate to get the best response. Over time, you will develop confidence and know how to adapt your communication style to fit the situation.

Using feedback to create a strategy
The SIA creates wave after wave of feedback and analysis. Over time, family, relatives, and friends become comfortable with and consciously adopt this goal-oriented style of communication. After the initial preparation and training, I sometimes assign tasks to specific friends and family members:

• If a Team member is particularly religious, I might suggest that the next time he's on the phone with the cult member (of a religious cult), he could ask that they say a prayer together for God's love and guidance.
• I might suggest to the father of the cult member that he talk with his son about his own childhood and his relationship with his father.
• I might recommend that the grandmother bake cookies and mail them to the cult member.

After each action, we evaluate the impact based on the response made to the interaction. For example, if the telephone prayer request resulted in a double prayer, we ask for specifics. Was the prayer able to build a positive bridge with the cult member? Depending on the report, I may recommend a longer, deeper prayer the next time they speak. I might suggest the religious family member write a letter saying how much closer he has felt since the prayer.

What was the response when the father told his son about his childhood and the issues he had with his father? Tears? A hug? A deep closeness with the cult member? If not, what happened? Was the father standing up, looking out of a window while he was speaking about himself, or was he sitting at eye-level beside his son? If the interaction went well, I might suggest a follow-up where the father asks his son, "What could be done now to build a more intimate relationship with you? What words would need to be spoken? What behavior would need to be experienced?" The father might need to convince the son that he is a top priority in his father's life.

If the homemade cookies were gobbled up and shared with others in the group, and resulted in a thank-you telephone call, then I would suggest doing it every few weeks, or at least once a month. Why? Because each time the cult member receives the cookies, it makes him feel loved. The grandmother can invite members of the group over for a home cooked meal. We want to build bridges.

With every interaction, you should think of ways to amplify the positives and minimize the negatives. You want to mobilize a set of positive, growth enhancing experiences for the cult member to have with family and friends. The Strategic Interaction Team develops a repertoire of flexible and creative solutions. Many small and medium-sized shared experiences have a cumulative empowering effect. We will work in the least intrusive and most effective way possible to keep family, relatives, friends, and the cult member motivated to move closer in small, realistic steps. This work carries us towards a formal Strategic Intervention, if that proves necessary.

The Strategic Interaction Approach takes time and hard work. It also takes inspiration, motivation, creativity, improvisation, flexibility, humor, passion, and commitment. I have file cabinets full of testimonies from family members and ex-cult members who say that participation in the Strategic Interaction gave them a sense of control over the guilt, anxiety, fear, helplessness, and hopelessness that usually tears a family apart when their loved one is swallowed up by a destructive cult. The SIA provides a safe environment where building rapport and trust is the greatest good. A high level of self-esteem is one of the most important ingredients to a successful Strategic Interaction.

(Chapter 3, excerpted, of Steven Hassan's Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves. FOM Press, 2000, Copyrighted, all rights reserved. Permission to use or reprint must be granted in writing.)

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